Go listen to it you mortals:

http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/755352

(and pls give me feedback, always helps y'know ^^)

Yeah, I like music lol

I've been musically inactive for over a month now, and I don't even have anything close to a sketch, a preview, a WIP, anything really to present. I guess I'm just not musically inclined, and I need to accept that. My focus for excuses has always been school and I can't keep beating that horse anymore. Yeah, school is tough and extremely rigorous, but I have a lot more free time than I make it out to be. I have 3 hours that I could be spending on making a track or working on one but I constantly find myself stuck. Even when I think I find a breakthrough it doesn't live up to the expectations of other people. In my opinion, if your songs don't amuse other people you're kind of failing as an artist. Certainly I don't make music with the intention of listening to it myself. There's no way I could ever achieve the kind of music that I have strict preference to. In order to keep myself going, I tell myself that "well you haven't been producing that long I mean (insert random artist) probably wasn't good when they first started". Yet, I see tons of new artists who are good in their first year or after a year they are much better than I am. I mean, I've been working with FL Studio 12 now for a year and all I have to show for it is I'm at least not clueless on what genres are. That time excuse doesn't work anymore.

I really don't want to give up, really I don't. It'd be awesome to be able to get creative in the world of sound. But all I'm doing is finding myself making excuses for my work and my level of professionalism when really I guess music making isn't my thing. I wish it was, though. And that's okay, I guess. Music creation isn't for everyone. I could always find something else to do with my time. I'm pretty good at acting, maybe instead of saving up for music stuff I could get a decent microphone and voice act for some games and animations. It could help towards my choice of a future career, after all. I'm also not too shabby at writing, and there's writing forums here so maybe I could get into writing fiction (not fanfiction, there's a HUGE difference between the two) and share it on the forums.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is I'm not necessarily leaving Newgrounds. I'll still be here every day (I wonder if people know I literally check this site almost every hour when I'm home. On the weekends and nights people don't wait too terribly long for a response), but maybe I just need to give up the dream of thinking I'm going to one day be featured on record labels and collaborating with famous artists and instead work towards the dreams I know I at least have a shot at. I may still attempt some stuff here and there, but I'm not going to be feverishly talking about "hey guys I made this crap :D". I do plan on finishing up collabs, so to the people I'm currently collaborating with don't be all scared that I'm just going to cancel on you. I also have a music-related side project that I'm going to finish as well. However, as far as making music, I think I need to stop having false hope.

And I know I probably sound like a hypocrite right now because I usually poke fun at artists who go through being optimistic about their work to being pessimistic about their work up and down like a rollercoaster, but I don't think I sound pessimistic. If I give off that vibe, I'm not trying to. Really, I think this is just the plain truth and what I think is better. Trust me, if I was trying to be pessimistic I would be sounding pathetic. You could ask some of my friends on here what my pessimism looks like. I think I worded this as apathetic as I possibly could.

//And for anyone wondering no this is not a foreshadowed April Fool's joke.

>When you're trying to break your artist block by making an intro for a dubstep song and the intro you made sounds like progressive house instead of dubstep.

Still here. Just dry on ideas.

I'm making a resource post about tutorials when I can't even follow a 4 minute tutorial without the sound being completely different ://////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Over a year ago I submitted my first song ever to Newgrounds. It is not on my portal today, but it was around February of 2016. This song was dubstep, or at least that was my intention, and I always wanted to be a producer of it. People thought the song was horrible, and as I listen to it every now and then I want to know how the hell I ever thought that sounded good. I did not ever try dubstep again till Superhero, which is another song that was pulled from my portal. At this time, I hardly knew how to make dubstep. I didn't know about the "2 step beat" or what usually goes into a drop. So, my song was a complete joke. I then went off to make Island a little while later (this song is actually on my portal), I still wasn't getting it. It wasn't until Rattlesnake where I realized what a 2 step beat was and what usually went into dubstep. The drop, nevertheless, still seemed like a complete joke. From then on I went into a seriously long drought of making anything, I made tons of drafts of dubstep songs that never went past 16-24 bars. Over this time though, I felt like I was learning a few things. I have only made 3 full tracks of dubstep since August when I made a little 110 drop experiment for fun. Each time I progress extremely slow, but I feel like I get somewhere.

The reason why I start out with such a paragraph is because this is over a year now that I have started producing, and I feel like I've been stuck. I'm not sure where you all were during your 2nd year of producing, but some artists were certainly better than I am now. It worries me that I progress very slowly, when I have many ideas I want to use. I can make songs really easily, but I always worry how people will think. This is a common statement I've heard from quite a few artists on here. And for a while, I've been trying to find ways to make that statement untrue.

Sometimes I feel like I'm too much of a perfectionist. I won't release or work on stuff because I feel like "people are going to think I'm this or that", and I think I need to not hold onto it so much. I will say I feel like most of this comes from the fact that most dubstep listeners set the bar extremely high. I'll admit it, I do too. I have a very specific taste. If a song doesn't sound close to what I usually listen to, I move on. This is what reflects on my music. I want to be able to make stuff people will like, but I feel like I haven't been able to achieve that goal yet.

I think it's time for a change of goals, and I encourage any other struggling artist to do this as well. I can remember telling a couple users (I'm not going to give names because this is not a situation in which it's necessary) who were pessimistic about their work and wanting to give up is that they should post it anyways even if they think it's bad. That's how you receive community feedback and that's how you can get a better idea of what you should be doing differently. I feel like a total hypocrite because I haven't followed this advice with my own work. I try and tell myself I'm improving, because even the feedback I've recieved proves it. One person who's reviewed my work for a while now, has noticed how well I was improving. On the first track they ever reviewed they said "It's alright", then it was "you're getting better, but...", then it was "you've imrpoved a bit, but there's still a few things you're not getting right", then it was "wow you are much better than you ever were before, but there's just one thing". This is why I like feedback. So, what I've decided my goal is, is to try and work on songs from start to finish and not build up a stockpile of 53 drafts. If there's something I mess up, I'll try and not make the same mistake next time. This is what I'm hoping I could follow as well as share with any other artists who are struggling. Newgrounds is a practice zone in my opinion. It's not like this is a do or die thing.

My computer adapter and tablet charger both are not working atm. My computer adapter reads that it's plugged in, but not regaining battery. As long as it's not losing battery that's good at least. My tablet, like always, won't read it as charging. For the longest time I was convinced that my tablet was working, and now I'll have to go into panic and see if I can get all my files onto my SD Card before the battery runs out. The problem is trying to figure out the cause. I want to say it's the outlet in my wall or the power strip I have, but then again I have multiple chargers plugged in and they all work fine. My 3DS charges fine, my phone charges fine (my phone and tablet actually have the same adapter), my Wii U charges.. kinda fine but Wii U AC Adapters are crap anyways and I overtly refuse to buy a 3rd adapter that will just go out anyways. I want to say the problems are that my adapters aren't working, but the charger for my tablet works fine on my phone and the computer adapter I currently have is not even 3 months old. For my computer I'm starting to think this isn't a surprise, considering this thing is like 7-8 years old. But my tablet is only 2 years old. How exciting...

But, just how does this affect anything? Well, I use my tablet for my music production a lot, and my computer is what makes it. Sooo... yeah.

I never have any intentions to start drama on this site. But, is this dude going to sit here and say we're not allowed to say his songs are bad? I feel like every time this guy makes a news post he's whining something about his audio, but this idiotic statement is not someting I can let go. @MonsterboyGD blocked me, so I can't comment this on his post, but if you aren't blocked by him and you could find a way to tell him this it'd be great, because here's my response:

If you're going to tell people they can't say your songs are bad, boy you have a dissapointment coming your way. Because, on this site, if people think your stuff is bad they're going to tell you. I have 2 people now who think I deliberately troll the audio portal, this is not the place people are going to refrain from their thoughts. If you want people to lie to you and say your tracks are good, go back to kindergarten where people will accept your work how it is. And you want to know what flares me up the most? The fact that I found a 0 star review on your review tab that says "this song sucks like trash" but you have the audacity to type on a public news post "you cant say my songs are bad because it hurts my feelings :((((((". Grow up, dude. At least you're able to get feedback. On other sites people will tell you it's trash rather than on here you have a higher probability of recieving an in-depth review that could possibly help you in the future. Yeah, music making is not easy. I've been making tracks for a year now and I'm still self-loathing and I lack many skills. Nobody said it was easy, but I feel criticism is more helpful than someone lying and saying your tracks are good when they're not. And, I also know for a fact you didn't make every track you uploaded but those are removed so no need to worry.

I think I've said enough. But, if the title of your post is true. Let me tell you that nobody is going to want to be your friend if you dominate what literary freedom they have. It just doesn't work that way.

Friday was one of the worst days of school I've had in a while. It took me literally all night to get over it. I was actually going to write about it but I never want to seem like one of those "you have to hear my story and feel sorry for me :(". So, instead, I decided to make my news post about something else.

So, yesterday after having a really bad day I actually opened up Massive and tried to make some sounds. I feel like I've used bass presets enough to know how they commonly work. First oscillator usually is the impact of the sound. Most dubstep basses use A.I wavetables at -24.00 pitch or Chrome wavetables. Double Notch and Bandreject are usually the filters with the Double Notch being the first filter. Basically, I've been doing my studying. I actually made about 4 growls. All of them are super modulated, and you have to automate the macros to get a "growl" sound from it. But I feel like I'm only happy with my 3rd attempt. I'm hoping in the near future to use this sound out, because it may not be spectacular or "Skrill-like" but it's original and that's what matters. People have countless times told me I lack sound design (one of like the 3 reasons I was unscouted was because of my lack in sound design). It's not that I don't WANT to make my own sounds. It's just that it's HARD to.

Now, I have used my own sounds before. My WIP of "Lunar Energy" had a bass that I made (you know, I should really go back and work on that track), Nightlights had two sounds I made. Circus had a sound I made. A couple abandoned tracks had some sounds that I made. Poltergeist had 2 sounds I made. I'm not incapable of making my own sounds, but yes I don't excercise them enough. I lack quite a few skills in my music. Mixing, melodies, drop arrangement, and sound design. I would rather focus on the more core elements like drop arrangement and melodies than sound design. But alas, I am in the process of making my own stuff. Maybe I'll experiment today with sound design instead of trying to make a track that might be later shot down. This might give me a chance to work on drop arrangement as well.

And I also have a side project I'm doing. I need to check in with a certain user and see if I'm still on board.

~Alpha