(Almost) On the verge of giving up.

2017-03-26 16:49:49 by BlueAlpha14

I've been musically inactive for over a month now, and I don't even have anything close to a sketch, a preview, a WIP, anything really to present. I guess I'm just not musically inclined, and I need to accept that. My focus for excuses has always been school and I can't keep beating that horse anymore. Yeah, school is tough and extremely rigorous, but I have a lot more free time than I make it out to be. I have 3 hours that I could be spending on making a track or working on one but I constantly find myself stuck. Even when I think I find a breakthrough it doesn't live up to the expectations of other people. In my opinion, if your songs don't amuse other people you're kind of failing as an artist. Certainly I don't make music with the intention of listening to it myself. There's no way I could ever achieve the kind of music that I have strict preference to. In order to keep myself going, I tell myself that "well you haven't been producing that long I mean (insert random artist) probably wasn't good when they first started". Yet, I see tons of new artists who are good in their first year or after a year they are much better than I am. I mean, I've been working with FL Studio 12 now for a year and all I have to show for it is I'm at least not clueless on what genres are. That time excuse doesn't work anymore.

I really don't want to give up, really I don't. It'd be awesome to be able to get creative in the world of sound. But all I'm doing is finding myself making excuses for my work and my level of professionalism when really I guess music making isn't my thing. I wish it was, though. And that's okay, I guess. Music creation isn't for everyone. I could always find something else to do with my time. I'm pretty good at acting, maybe instead of saving up for music stuff I could get a decent microphone and voice act for some games and animations. It could help towards my choice of a future career, after all. I'm also not too shabby at writing, and there's writing forums here so maybe I could get into writing fiction (not fanfiction, there's a HUGE difference between the two) and share it on the forums.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is I'm not necessarily leaving Newgrounds. I'll still be here every day (I wonder if people know I literally check this site almost every hour when I'm home. On the weekends and nights people don't wait too terribly long for a response), but maybe I just need to give up the dream of thinking I'm going to one day be featured on record labels and collaborating with famous artists and instead work towards the dreams I know I at least have a shot at. I may still attempt some stuff here and there, but I'm not going to be feverishly talking about "hey guys I made this crap :D". I do plan on finishing up collabs, so to the people I'm currently collaborating with don't be all scared that I'm just going to cancel on you. I also have a music-related side project that I'm going to finish as well. However, as far as making music, I think I need to stop having false hope.

And I know I probably sound like a hypocrite right now because I usually poke fun at artists who go through being optimistic about their work to being pessimistic about their work up and down like a rollercoaster, but I don't think I sound pessimistic. If I give off that vibe, I'm not trying to. Really, I think this is just the plain truth and what I think is better. Trust me, if I was trying to be pessimistic I would be sounding pathetic. You could ask some of my friends on here what my pessimism looks like. I think I worded this as apathetic as I possibly could.

//And for anyone wondering no this is not a foreshadowed April Fool's joke.


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2017-03-27 22:15:55

don't give up. on anything. relax and return when the inspiration comes back.

and if you ever need somebody to collab so that it can boost your morale, im up for the spot.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

Eh, perhaps I should just watch every tutorial that exists and try and learn that way. Though, I still believe music isn't a thing for anyone. But I am going to put this hobby to rest for a while.

Thanks for the collaboration offer, but I'm already in a couple and I don't want to commit to something that may never fall through. I hate to dissapoint.


2017-03-28 21:46:52

don't worry about disappointing me, im a slacker too. we can work on whatever you like, im flexible with things.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

Maybe we could get some ideas flowing, but for now I'm going to take a short break on any means of music production. I'm going to follow your advice.


2017-03-30 16:36:39

Stop complaining on the fucking internet, do what you want to do, no matter what.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

Look familiar? I don't screw around with hypocrites.


2017-03-31 16:46:12

You're not messing with a hypocrite, faggot, I'm done with all that shit, I've finally gotten past it and accepted the fact that I'm going to die soon, and maybe somebody here needs to do the same thing, talk to me again when you're happy and not fucking depressed, and if that never happens then somebody needs to tell you to stop complaining and be happy with what you've got.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

Did it look like I was depressed? This was simply a news post informing people I was going on a hiatus and maybe I could try another hobby. I specifically put I was trying to sound calm. If you're that ignorant then screw off.


2017-03-31 21:18:45

Dude, You don't need to give up you just have to practice and look up tutorials and stuff.

I actually really like your music.

Honestly the only problem with it is the mixing.

And look at me, my first song was a shitty garageband test, and now I'm uploading stuff like panther.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

Can't seem to find many informative tutorials though. Surprising with how generic dubstep has gotten there isn't some sort of tutorial yet.

I appreciate the compliment.

I actually just listened to Panther this morning.


2017-04-08 20:58:33

you werent good anyway

BlueAlpha14 responds:

Not sure if you're saying that to get a reaction out of me considering I've never seen you review a song of mine but I would agree I am a terrible artist. Why do you think I quit?


2017-04-13 05:23:12

That plain truth sounds a bit pessimistic man. ;) If I may offer some hopeful wisdom: don't try going for the dreams you know you have a shot at... if they're not dreams. If they were, why wouldn't you be going for them already? What do you really WANT? Music should be fun! It should be for you, and if others happen to listen in that's great. Maybe my perspective's a bit wrong, but it feels different from other forms of entertainment to me. It's not something that's meant to entertain, others, but to bring forth some form of emotion, or mood, something you feel, and you do so well then others will relate when they listen to it.

Of course there are exceptions. Parody music in particular seems to cater more to the audience than to that, but I've no doubt the people who delve into such genres have fun making it too. Just have fun! Do what you want to do and keep evolving! Not everyone's equally diligent or talented, but everyone can do what they set their mind to.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

I am going for them already. I'm building up my acting portfolio and I'm trying a bit of writing. If I actually produce enough work I may post it here. I also thought about getting a microphone and trying a bit of voice acting.
Even parody music takes a lot of work. Unless someone was to rip out an entire song, in that case it wouldn't be allowed here.
It's not that I want to quit, but I'm at a point where beating a dead horse isn't something I have time for.
Thanks for the comment though. Sorry my post sounds pessimistic lol


2017-04-13 11:21:52

The response is sounding a lot more optimistic though. ;) Sure thing, and yeah, no genre's a shortcut, just a different kind of effort, and voice acting too. Good luck them them plans.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

Well this whole post was meant to be typed in a monotone expression, neither pessimistic or optimistic.

Thanks, I'll try.


2017-04-15 05:49:57

let me dissect the first paragraph of your post. Realize that your thoughts are what most artists go through with varying degrees of regularity.

" I guess I'm just not musically inclined"

so? we can't control our circumstances (what or brains are naturally geared to do & the environment we were brought into). But 'inclination' or 'talent' is 5% of what makes a skill, it's mostly inspiration (or a poetic drive in the case of art) and having the discipline to work hard and dedicate smart practice to improving our craft.

"In my opinion, if your songs don't amuse other people you're kind of failing as an artist."

that's a pretty silly opinion. everything in this world should be a means to itself. yeah music needs ears to listen to, but if you're not making music primarily for the sake of making music then why?

"Yet, I see tons of new artists who are good in their first year or after a year they are much better than I am."

and I'm sure there's been artists who have been trying for decades that are 'worse' than you. focus on improving yourself. art isn't a competition.

"I mean, I've been working with FL Studio 12 now for a year and all I have to show for it is I'm at least not clueless on what genres are."

Hmm, impressive. I've been working with FL Studio for about your entire lifespan and I don't know the difference between dubstep electro and drum and bass.

I disagree with the basis of your post, but we have all been there. We all create out of ego and we've all yearned to be a part of pop culture. However, pop culture isn't music. Pop culture is not something everyone can partake in; it's largely circumstantial. Music creation on the other hand, like writing, or reading, or acting is something everyone can partake in. Everyone can make music, and everyone can make good music in their own right (meaning, they don't sound like pop culture icons), however that's an eternal process which requires working like a hell, and most importantly poetic drive. You're on NewGrounds. You certainly must have some level of poetic drive. Surely you didn't come on here for the sake of being e-famous....but because you downloaded FL-Studio and thought you made some pretty cool sounding stuff and wanted to share it with the world. The audio hasn't changed man.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

I'm sure artists go through stuff regularly. As I said, I felt like a hypocrite making this because I always poke fun at artists who are constantly down about their work.

I first started making music because I thought it was a fun idea. But yeah, that was a pretty stupid opinion.

Call me a perfectionist, but it bothers me when I can't do something that most people could master in a year. That's a thought I can't really control.

If you really want to know, dubstep is a 2 step beat on 1 bar while electro is a 4 step beat on 1 bar. The tempos are different. Many people think it doesn't matter to mix the two up (including Glitch Hop, which is basically electro but slower), but I'm one of those who likes being genre specific. Unfortunately, I see popular music promoters on YouTube mix up genres. I saw a house song that was labeled dubstep, ugh.

Drum and bass is pretty easy to spot once you hear it. The only problem is not confusing it with neurofunk, but I don't think many will care.

Ok, sorry, I like educating people-

You may disagree with this post, and I understand. I agree everyone has their own creativity, but I also want to come back when the majority of my listeners don't think "I'm trolling the audio portal". However, I still think some talents can't be adapted. Singing, for example. Some people legit just don't have a good voice.

Actually I joined Newgrounds because I wanted to review stuff and earn medals :P

Thanks for conversing with me.


2017-04-15 17:38:55

thanks for the info on genres!! I'll have to keep that in mind

if you step away from FL Studio for a while, you may or may not yearn to come back. When the gratitude returns that you have the privilege of being able to make music, is when you can have fun again. But it's not easy! We've been so accustom to the ubiquity of computers with ultra processing capabilities, that we take this technology for granted.

another road-block that we all need to do less of, but is highly difficult: stop comparing ourselves with others. It's not valid; we are individuals who work at our own pace. We need not strive for certain goals, but overall continual betterment. Yes, it is frustrating to see 12 year old Asians getting advanced degrees in quantum physics when at that age I was learning about fractions and negative numbers. But rather it is something to celebrate and draw inspiration from.

if someone accuses you of trolling the audio portal, that's an indication of insecurity on their own part. NewGrounds is everything by everyone...if you care about the music, that's all that matters. Anyone else is just a poser.

your own singing voice is circumstantial. As long as you don't have any vocal disabilities barring you from doing so, you can still learn how to match pitches, discover how articulations and expressivity works within your voice, and learn how sing in what fits your own range. It's the difference between being granted a $5000 dollar Les Paul guitar and a $100 knock off brand from Walmart. Some of the best musicians in this country came from poverty and started out with the knock off brands.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

Ugh. Stupid tablet closed out my tab. Got to start over...

No problem. Glad I could help.

To summarize a response of what you said, most of what you said does make sense. It seems true. Although, I feel it is extremely difficult not to feel down about our work.

Yes, Asians being extremely advanced at just about everything is bothersome at times.

About the trolling thing, I take criticism both positive and negative pretty seriously. I do agree with a lot of the negative criticism.


2017-04-25 11:28:47

I had lost quite some motivation to do songs recently, but igot back to it.
I know that sometimes itis quite depressing when you try to come up with something and it ends sounding like crap.
I think you should do whatever you want and if you get a good idea or some motivation you should try to make something.
Btw am i one of those artists that got kind of better quicker than you? Idk why am i asking.

BlueAlpha14 responds:

My motivation was kinda shot :/ haven't found enough to do it again

I feel like if I had Serum my production would be easier. They have nice leads.

Freaking Skrillex was better than I was-

Jk. You probably are. The only thing your songs lack is a clean sound, but that's kind of LMMS' fault because it is freeware.

I can name a few artists who advanced quicker. Must be that they have good math skills


2017-04-26 08:56:49

I started making dnb a lot recently and also to quite a lot of dnb songs