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I've been musically inactive for over a month now, and I don't even have anything close to a sketch, a preview, a WIP, anything really to present. I guess I'm just not musically inclined, and I need to accept that. My focus for excuses has always been school and I can't keep beating that horse anymore. Yeah, school is tough and extremely rigorous, but I have a lot more free time than I make it out to be. I have 3 hours that I could be spending on making a track or working on one but I constantly find myself stuck. Even when I think I find a breakthrough it doesn't live up to the expectations of other people. In my opinion, if your songs don't amuse other people you're kind of failing as an artist. Certainly I don't make music with the intention of listening to it myself. There's no way I could ever achieve the kind of music that I have strict preference to. In order to keep myself going, I tell myself that "well you haven't been producing that long I mean (insert random artist) probably wasn't good when they first started". Yet, I see tons of new artists who are good in their first year or after a year they are much better than I am. I mean, I've been working with FL Studio 12 now for a year and all I have to show for it is I'm at least not clueless on what genres are. That time excuse doesn't work anymore.
I really don't want to give up, really I don't. It'd be awesome to be able to get creative in the world of sound. But all I'm doing is finding myself making excuses for my work and my level of professionalism when really I guess music making isn't my thing. I wish it was, though. And that's okay, I guess. Music creation isn't for everyone. I could always find something else to do with my time. I'm pretty good at acting, maybe instead of saving up for music stuff I could get a decent microphone and voice act for some games and animations. It could help towards my choice of a future career, after all. I'm also not too shabby at writing, and there's writing forums here so maybe I could get into writing fiction (not fanfiction, there's a HUGE difference between the two) and share it on the forums.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is I'm not necessarily leaving Newgrounds. I'll still be here every day (I wonder if people know I literally check this site almost every hour when I'm home. On the weekends and nights people don't wait too terribly long for a response), but maybe I just need to give up the dream of thinking I'm going to one day be featured on record labels and collaborating with famous artists and instead work towards the dreams I know I at least have a shot at. I may still attempt some stuff here and there, but I'm not going to be feverishly talking about "hey guys I made this crap :D". I do plan on finishing up collabs, so to the people I'm currently collaborating with don't be all scared that I'm just going to cancel on you. I also have a music-related side project that I'm going to finish as well. However, as far as making music, I think I need to stop having false hope.
And I know I probably sound like a hypocrite right now because I usually poke fun at artists who go through being optimistic about their work to being pessimistic about their work up and down like a rollercoaster, but I don't think I sound pessimistic. If I give off that vibe, I'm not trying to. Really, I think this is just the plain truth and what I think is better. Trust me, if I was trying to be pessimistic I would be sounding pathetic. You could ask some of my friends on here what my pessimism looks like. I think I worded this as apathetic as I possibly could.
//And for anyone wondering no this is not a foreshadowed April Fool's joke.